Tag Archives: finding a partner

A Note to Single Moms: Pick a Good Partner

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 Picking a good partner…. What does this mean? Choose a partner who follows your religious beliefs, someone who is responsible, a good provider, treats your kids well, treats you like a princess, who will share in the responsibilities of parenting. Someone who will elevate you, who will see to it that you AND your child(ren) are taken care of. Someone who you can be proud of, who will provide a good influence to you and your child(ren).

I have to point this out, though…. I’m not saying set the bar so high that you dismiss everyone. Some women expect the world from a potential mate, and have ridiculous expectations (He has to be at least 6′ tall, make a certain amount of money, drive a certain kind of car, have a certain type of career, etc. Meanwhile the woman making these demands doesn’t even have their education yet.) Material things don’t matter. Look at it this way- can you take your car, money, worldly possessions with you when you die? Will these things buy your way into the pearly gates? Then no, these things don’t matter.

A great provider in, my eyes, is defined as someone who can provide you with a better life and can make you and your children happy, and can lift you up into becoming the woman you should be. He can be an entrepreneur, a doctor, a sanitation man, a field worker, an attorney. The most important qualities are that he is a good person, a good potential husband and a great father figure. You and your babies deserve NO LESS. Don’t settle for a loser just because you don’t want to be alone- so many women do this, and it’s sad. There are so many men out there who have beautiful hearts, are great providers, are great partners. I know- I found one after my share of losers. He is wonderful… someone who has always encouraged me to be more than I am, someone who has always (without fail) been at every parent/teacher conference, doctor appointment, sporting event, etc. He has also made it his priority to make sure we had everything we needed, be it groceries, child care costs, a car, a house, etc. He has his flaws, yes. But he is still awesome. And to think- I almost missed being with this man, because I was committed to another who was a terrible mate and not the best father figure for my child. I thank God every day for blessing me….

Listen to me carefully:  You do NOT have to settle! There are wonderful men out there who will make excellent mates and parents to your child(ren). The key in finding The One is… preparing yourself to be the best mate you can be… by getting your education, following the Lord’s teaching, learning how to be a Proverbs 31 woman, being the best mother you can be… the Lord will put the right man in your path. But make sure you don’t have any unnecessary obstructions first. Don’t feel bad about cutting people loose who are not the best people/partners/friends for you.

 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (1Peter 3:7)

A Note to Single Moms: Don’t Let Being Single Define You

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Just because you’re single and have a child or are struggling, be mindful of the company you keep. I have seen with my own eyes women who will bring a man into their home and around their child(ren), and allow that man to mistreat their kids, swallow abuse and neglect from that man, all in the desperate name of  “He helps me out with the bills” or “I don’t want to be alone”. Come on now, we can do better than that. LADIES, WE ARE OUR KID’S MOMMIES!  We are the only people in the entire world to our children and it is our job to protect them, love and nurture them and make sure they are successful! We need to set a good example for our children. Don’t allow ANY man to disrupt what should be a loving and healthy environment for your kids. Please understand, I am not anti-man; most men are wonderful and every child needs a father. We all have a mate that the Lord put on this earth for us. Don’t settle for just anyone who comes your way. You might find someone who appears to have the total package, but may be missing one (or a few)  integral qualities that you need in order to be happy and run your household according to what the Lord says is suitable for you. Take a good long look at your current situation. If he’s a bad father, a bad provider, a bad friend, runs up your credit, treats his mom badly, treats your children like they are burdens, or as though he doesn’t want them around…. then why even have him around? The bills will get paid somehow. You will find a partner eventually. But don’t waste your time on someone who you know deep down isn’t the right man for you… because you may well be impeding the work the Lord is trying to do in your life. If you’re caught up with some unsavory character, you might miss the man of your dreams. Think about it.

Your baby/babies didn’t ask to be here. Don’t allow anyone to mistreat them, because they are helpless and rely on YOU to protect and love them, and they deserve the absolute best. You deserve the best, you are capable, smart, beautiful, and you will be fine.

Definition of what love is: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful…” (1Corinthians 13:4-6)